


The Way to a Man's Heart

by canadino



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:17:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7316740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadino/pseuds/canadino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...is through his stomach, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way to a Man's Heart

“Is it just me,” Nami said, after putting her napkin down from dabbing at her mouth at the conclusion of her meal, “or are we eating a lot of...meat-centric spreads lately?”  


“Now that you mention it,” Usopp agreed, looking down the table at the plates with the main dishes, now mostly cleared out. Luffy was snacking on the garnishes. He frowned as this declaration settled onto his dining companions.   


“We had a lot of meat from the last port,” Luffy said, pointing one finger up to indicate his knowledge on the subject. “Remember, we brought down those packs of cow rhinos, so obviously we had to take some of those spoils.”  


“Don’t remind me,” Nami groaned, resting her forehead against her wrist. She had been part of the team who had led the charge, as the rhinos were hypersensitive to human presence and scaring them prematurely would scatter them, dispersing the pack when they really wanted to move them strategically as part of the hive mind. The town elder had assured them that the rhinos were quick, but not quick enough that someone with a head start couldn't get away; the village elder neglected to mention that a head start meant more than a handful of yards away and Nami had run for her life after sparking the air with lightning to get them moving. Predictably, she sat out the rest of the hunt, claiming fear had rendered her unable to move. “But that was also a week ago. Usually we have some variety in our diets, spoils notwithstanding.”   


“What do you mean?” Sanji asked, in the middle of refilling Brooke and Robin’s teacups.   


“I mean, you usually break the monotony of red meat by getting some fish or only vegetable dishes. But we’ve had grilled meat every day for the past five days.” She took a sip of water. “Not that it isn’t tasty, because it is - but it’s just weird. It can't be healthy, can it?”

“There are vegetables!” Luffy cried. “The meat came on lettuce leaves. And there was eggplant with the diced meat too.” He puffed his cheeks, the table rendered clear of food. “Well, _I_ like what we’ve had so far, so don’t change anything, Sanji.”  


“Don’t be so selfish, just because you’re the captain!” Nami cried. “Do you know what eating too much red meat can do to you? It can be inflammatory, you know! And I’ve read that having a meat-heavy diet totally increases your body odor.”  


“Then bathe more often,” Luffy huffed.   


“I wasn’t aware I was cooking more meat than usual,” Sanji said. “I deeply apologize, Nami-swan. I’ll whip up a lovely broth to clear the digestive system.”  


“A cleanse will only make the meat tastier,” Robin said soothingly as Luffy puffed up indignantly next to her. “Too much of a good thing can be bad for you. Anticipation whets the palate.”  


“Nami’s right,” Chopper added. “You need a balanced diet to be in tip top shape. The devil fruit can only do so much.” He gazed upon his empty plate wistfully. “Thought I wish we could have more sweets, myself.” He immediately perked up as Sanji placed a dish of strawberry mousse before him and he said no more.   


“I swear,” Nami sniffed. “You all would rot from scurvy if it wasn’t for me.” She left the table to begin her watch shift, followed by Brooke, Robin, and Franky (Brooke to stand casually underneath the ladder leading up to the crows nest as Nami was ascending, Robin to return to her books, and Franky to resume repairs below deck). Chopper finished the last of his mousse and asked Usopp to help with inventory as Luffy sprawled himself all over Sanji and bartered to keep the meat-heavy trend (“I get it, balanced diet, but if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it...meat doesn’t last forever, so when you have it, you need to eat it, see? You know what I’m saying, right?”). Only Zoro remained when Luffy left, placated from Sanji assuring him that the crew would not become born-again vegetarians. Zoro watched wordlessly as Sanji cleared the table.

“Ballsy,” he said.  


“What did you just say?” Sanji said, his lip curled automatically. It would have done so even if Zoro had praised him or offered to do the dishes for the rest of the month. He placed the dishes upon themselves even more noisily, though taking care not to actually chip or break them.  


“I said, you’re ballsy,” Zoro repeated, speaking louder although Sanji had heard him quite fine the first time. “You’re ballsy and overconfident, going after him like that.”  


“Although you always say nonsense, I’ll bite this time. What are you babbling about?”  


“You know what I’m talking about.” Zoro did not stand up and offer to help, even as Sanji teetered over to the sink and lay the dishes into sudsy water as a prewash. “As first mate, it’s my responsibility to watch his back for him, so I know what you’re up to. Don’t think it’s escaped my notice that you’re going after Luffy.” He smirked, not necessarily pleased by the observation, but at the very least he was impressed. “Your strategy is predictable, but it’s effective.”  


“Why would I want to go after Luffy? You really must be getting stupider every day; he’s our captain. I respect him. I wish no harm on his head.”  


“You _know_  what I mean,” Zoro said again. “But I get it if you don’t want to say it. Your precious Nami even made a comment about it, so what you do now is going to be even more obvious. I just wanted to say so, so you didn’t think you were being all sly and cunning. I see you.” Zoro gave him a typical Zoro Look and collected his swords from where they were leaning against the wall and left with a triumphant skip in his step. In other words, he plodded out with more energy than usual, as he was most susceptible to post-meal fatigue.   


“What bullshit,” said Sanji.  


[=]

Nami lifted her spoon, the broth trickling over the sides back into her bowl. The meat in the broth was very tender, melt-on-the-tongue even, but it was meat all the same. Sanji kept his eyes on his captain by means of ignoring the leering expression Zoro was giving him from the end of the table. “This is delicious!” Luffy chirped. “You’re the best, Sanji!”

“Boys,” Nami grumbled.   


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
